Desperation
by Facemash
Summary: Penny starts to fall apart and engages in riskier and riskier behavior, but maybe somebody will save her.


Stock

One hangover. It pounded behind her eyes, it wrapped around her head like a steel band, it made her crave water and ice tea and lemonade, something, anything, to quench the mind bending thirst.

Two empty bottles of cheap wine leaning against the kitchen cabinets. Just looking at them made her want to throw up.

Three bounced checks for bills. Three services which were about to be shut off.

Five botched auditions, five glaring failures, five polite "no thank yous" given behind a gleaming oak desk under an air conditioned stage.

Two nights of casual sex during the past week. Two nights with two different men and she could barely remember their names, never mind if they used condoms.

Three hundred dollars that she currently owed Leonard, and thousands that she currently owed Sheldon and that she may never pay back.

One bruised and battered ego. Where did she go from here?

Penny

Despite the beautiful days, the sky stretching pale blue over everything, despite the predictable routine of work and dance clubs and drinking wine late at night in her apartment and eating Chinese take-out with Leonard and Sheldon, she was feeling lost. She was feeling like she wasn't making it. She was watching the prices of everything creep up and her pay remain the same, and she was watching herself fail at every audition and she wasn't even sure why anymore. She felt like she was staring at herself in the mirror, her nose an inch from her reflection, too close to see any flaws. What was wrong with her? What was wrong with them?

Leonard

She heard the knock at the door and all she knew for sure was that it wasn't Sheldon. She sat up slowly, her head feeling like spun glass, ready to crack and fly apart at the least jarring movement.

"Come in!"

Leonard entered the apartment, his black rimmed glasses perched on the edge of his nose, his hair pushed back from his forehead, his rumpled T-shirt and hoodie sweatshirt hiding him like it always did.

"Hi," he said, hovering by the doorway. Leonard, small little geeky neighbor, but now she saw something different. Leonard was a genius, Leonard was a doctor, Leonard had a career, a purpose. What did she have? A few classes at a community college that she didn't even do that well in? Failed audition after failed audition? Acting classes that were apparently teaching her nothing? She was a pretty girl, and only that. She wasn't smart and she wasn't talented and she had nothing to offer, and whatever prettiness she had now would fade and then be gone.

"Hi," she said, trying not to sound like she wanted to kill herself.

"Listen, uh, it's close to the beginning of the month, and um, I was just wondering if you maybe, uh, needed some help with the rent," he said.

She licked her lips and glanced down. Poor Leonard, trying to put it tactfully. Poor Leonard, always wanting to help. Why in the world would she have enough for the rent? He knew she was unsuccessful in her chosen profession, and he knew that waitresses made shit.

"I could use some help," she said, and she didn't like the naked neediness in her voice, the scratchiness of her words. She could use some help. She was sinking. If it wasn't for Leonard and Sheldon she would have been out on the street and back on a bus to Nebraska years ago.

Taking Stock

What did she have, and what could she do? School? School was never her area. In high school she was so bored she wanted to chew off her own arm to get away, and the few college classes she had taken were no better. The hum of the heaters and the drone of the teachers' voices made her sleepy.

Acting? It didn't seem to be panning out. Audition after audition ended in failure, and why was that? The crush of the competition? Her lack of ability? Some combination? Was her hair not blond enough? Were her eyes not wide enough? Was her voice not smokey enough?

What did that leave? She shook her head. She sucked at school, she sucked at acting, what did that leave? Finding a rich man?

What did it leave?


End file.
